alone

jeansmoraeu:

Jean Moreau is alone. 

Alone is forbidden. Alone is a hand yanking his hair hard and the word please dying in his throat, because alone means he isn’t watching his partner’s back, alone means Riko will be angry.

 At the moment, Jean Moreau is alone in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store. at the moment, and from now on, as Jean must remind himself, Riko is gone. Riko is going to stay gone. Jean fears the feelings of alone will stay as well. 

The handle on the refrigerator is cold when Jean reaches out, and he allows himself a second to breathe, breathe, remember, nothing will happen anymore. 

Nothing happens. Nothing will happen, and yet the fear has made a home in his body after all the years. A playful shove received too rough, a group of people dressed all in black, and Jean has to close his eyes and dig his scarred fingers into his thighs. 

Right now, alone is already threatening this reaction over him. His hand tightens around cold metal once more. 

And then the phone in his pocket buzzes. Jean pulls it out hesitantly, fingers numb as he unlocks it. 

Jeremy. 

Laila wants peanut butter ice cream if they have it, Alvarez demands strawberry. I’ll eat whatever you pick, sunshine. 

If it were anyone else, Jean would assume sunshine is an ironic term, but not with Jeremy Knox. Jeremy Knox, possibly the only man that truly embodies sunshine, sees a light somewhere inside of Jean. 

And I’m proud of you.

Oh. 

Jean can’t remember the last time he was proud of himself, let alone someone else was proud of him. He’s heard fucking work harder, Moreau, better be perfect next time or you’ll regret it, you don’t deserve this court, but never I’m proud of you. 

It’s an odd feeling. 

His fingers tap out a response: Got it. Almost done.

It needs more. 

Thank you. 

Jean hits send, slides his phone back into his pocket, and pulls three cartons of ice cream from the shelf. 

Instead of remembering the consequences of alone, Jean repeats the words proud of you in his head until he’s back with the others. 

When he’s there, and Laila and Alvarez run to greet him, and Jeremy grins like he’s hung the moon, the phrase shifts in Jean’s head. I am proud of my progress, I am proud of my efforts. I am proud of myself.

And it’s the truth.

vintersins:

• imagine when jeremy and jean have a fight, they ignore each other instead of lashing out.
  
• so one time they had this really huge fight before they sleep, and jer and jean sleeps back to back instead of cuddling (i would like to think they share the same bed even if they fight, so fight me on this!!!!)
• but then jeremy being jeremy, can’t stand tensions and anger. so he turns around to face jean’s back, and he sees jean’s shoulders shaking silently. 
• so jeremy gently reaches out to jean, and places a hand on his shoulder as a silent gesture.
• jean stiffens at first, then realizes its jeremy, so he relaxes against jeremy’s touch, never mind that they had a huge fight.
• so jeremy gently coaxes jean to turn around with his hands, and jean lets him be pulled. 
• its dark in their room, but jeremy reaches up to jean’s face to wipe away the tears that he knows are there, and jean just lets him be. 
• when jer doesn’t move his hand away, jean just lets jer cradle his face. 
• and Jeremy Knox is so In Love with his french bean, he leans up and kisses jean softly.
• jeremy can feel jean’s shaky breaths when they break away, and he’s sorry that it’s his fault they fought this time round. he didn’t mean to say things that would have brought back bad memories. 
• jeremy presses a kiss to jean’s forehead as a silent apology, and jean releases a shuddering breath as he wraps his arms around jeremy.
• maybe they’ll speak about their fight in the morning. but for now, jean is content with being okay with jeremy again.