Open When

knox-moreau:

Open when you need reassurance of the importance of your existence.

Jean,

You are important to me. You are important to Laila and Sara. You are important to everyone on the team. You are important to everyone you’ve met, in one way or another. Do you believe in fate, Jean? Because I do. And just think, of all the good things that wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t here. You may be telling yourself, what about all the bad things I might cause? I’m not going to tell you that couldn’t happen, because in reality it could. But I’m going to tell you, that it’s up to you whether or not you forgive yourself. Whether or not you forgive your mistakes and continue with your life. Did you know I wasn’t always this positive? Weird, huh? I’ll tell you a little secret, Jean. I’m on medication for depression. It’s not actually much of a secret because the whole team knows, but I was originally scared to tell you. I guess because I wanted to be positive for you, but I came to realize depression doesn’t mean you always have to be negative. You can be positive, Jean. Maybe not in this moment, but eventually. Eventually could be a second from now, a minute from now, months from now, a year from now. But you’ll be happy. And I hope I get to see the day you are.

Open when you feel you are a monster.

Jean,

On this certain topic, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I know that sounds bad, but if you feel you are a monster, I cannot invalidate your feelings. You can feel a lot of things. I wouldn’t invalidate you if you felt happy, right? But the point I’m going to make is through my own opinion. You don’t have to believe this, but I’d like for you to know that I do. You’re not a monster. Not to me. To me, you are a French boy who’s got scars and bruises from past battles, and you’re healing. You are healing, Jean. Isn’t that a wonderful thing, healing? I can tell you from my experience, it doesn’t always feel nice in the moment. But one day, you’ll have that moment, where you’ll sit there with an epiphany: you are healing. You are making progress. You are proud of yourself for getting through this. Just know in that moment, I am proud of you too.

Open when you’re on that ledge.

Mon amie,

Is that the French word for ‘my friend’? I hope so. (I totally didn’t use google translate to look it up.) For this one, I just wanted to tell you, whatever your thinking, stop for a moment. I know that’s hard, believe me, I’ve been there. But I want you to find a quiet place where you feel safe. Now, try to think of your favorite memory. Once you have that in your head, think of your favorite activity. Do that activity. Think of your favorite song. Listen to it. Take a day to take care of yourself. You deserve it, Jean. You deserve great things.

Open when your mind is back at the Nest.

Mon cher ami,

Before I say anything else, I’d just like to say this: I am so proud of you. I am so proud of how far you’ve come. I am so proud of how strong you’ve become. I am so proud of you for opening this letter even when you feel hopeless. Did anyone ever tell you what I used to do when my mind was stuck in a dark place? I would sit there and think or speak to myself and repeat the sentences: I am not there. I am here. I am safe. It sounds a little ridiculous, I know. But you want to know something else? It helped. Maybe you could give it a try if you’d like because it’s true. You aren’t there, Jean. And you never have to go back. You are here. You are safe.

Open when you want to destroy everything in sight.

Mon cher,

Instead of destroying things, think of things you wouldn’t want to destroy. There might not be many, but even one could work. Think about it. Think of me, even. Sometimes, when I get angry (Jeremy Knox? Angry? Shocking!), I squeeze a stress ball or hold ice in my palm. It helps a lot of the time for me, although what works varies from person to person. But I’ll tell you one thing: I think of you to help me feel better.

Open when you’re ready.

Mon ange,

I’ll keep this one simple. And I’ll be honest, I’m scared as hell right now to be writing this. But here’s the point: I am in love with you, Jean Moreau.