jean and halloween

vintersins:

for jeansmoraeu, for the jeanmoreaunet fall exchange 👻

• there was an unspoken agreement between kevin day and jean moreau that they should never mention Halloween ever since the incident that happened when they were sixteen 
• when october came around, jean felt a deep sense of hollow in his chest.
  
•  It was his first year away from the ravens, and he was not prepared to be treated with kindness
• riko never really allowed jean to forget what happened when he and kevin snuck off campus to celebrate Halloween when they were sixteen 
  
• after kevin left, jean was constantly reminded that he was not allowed to leave his side, and if he did, riko would find him and put him through even more pain
  
• so now when jean was with the Trojans, he expected pain, anger and lashing out.
  
• but as he sat in the lounge of the trojans’ stadium, listening to the trojans’ excited plans of Halloween, he finds himself dreading it even more than when he was back at the nest
• most people thought that the trojans’ captain was the least intuitive or observant person around because he was thought to be a Walking Meme, but he was captain of the second best class I exy team for a reason 
• when he noticed jean growing more distant than usual from the team, he knew something was up
• he contemplated between texting kevin and speaking to jean himself, but jean never really seemed to want to talk to Jeremy, so he texts kevin instead 
• what Jeremy learns from kevin is that when they were sixteen, they had both gone out together to a Halloween party, and riko wasn’t amused by their stunt. 
• what was a fun holiday was now ruined by riko for jean and kevin, but kevin had told Jeremy that he was doing better now because of the foxes, but jean probably had it worst, especially after kevin had left the nest.
• jeremy decided that it was up to him and the Trojans to help jean associate Halloween with fake, spooky ghosts and candy instead of painful memories of the nest.
• he doesn’t tell the Trojans any details except helping jean get accustomed back to the real Halloween, and they are all ready to help. 
• jean gets suspicious about their actions, and he does get riled up by the decors. He sees the torn cotton hanging along their lockers, and the Trojans wearing a lot of orange despite them not being the foxes
• and the tiny subtle halloween decorations triggers jean’s memories of the nest.
• jeremy finds him in one of the seats in the stadium after training had ended, and the court was empty. quietly, he sat down two seats away from jean and stared down at the exy court that was now covered in cob-webs. 
• “when i was sixteen, kevin and i snuck out for a halloween party. im sure kevin would have told you why i hate halloween.”
  
• jeremy is startled at this confession, but he doesn’t speak up. he doesn’t want to break jean’s train of thought.
• jean leans back and closes his eyes. “we got quite drunk, and riko was not amused. as punishment, riko put us through pain and suffering, pain that i can still painfully remember like it was embedded in in my bones”
• jeremy winced. he had never thought of riko moriyama like that. he might have thought riko would put them through rigid exercises so that the ravens maintained their first place, but he never thought he’d put them through pain.
• “but what the trojans are doing…” jeremy murmurs after jean goes quiet, and jeremy has to turn to see that jean was still sitting there. “is it okay?”
  
• jean opens his eyes, and jeremy stares into those pale grey eyes, and he feels his heart start to race. beyond that void in jean’s eyes, jeremy thought he saw pain, loneliness and sadness.
• jean turns away and shrugs. “i guess so. i’m pretty sure its trojans’ tradition for halloween.”
• jeremy doesn’t say anything that gives the trojans away.

•  He’s confused at first, because he thought that there was always a problem with the Trojans, but he didn’t expect them to be this bad.
  
• there are tiny pumpkin stickers that run along the hallways from the shower to the locker rooms, and jean actually wants to question the mentality of the trojans
• were they actually college students or still middle school kids?
• there’s this urge to tear down those halloween decors, do they actually want to bring the halloween spirit into the court??
• he doesn’t realize that they’re doing it for him
• he might not hate halloween, but he hates how the stupid day would remind him of that incident so many years ago
• so when the whole thing overwhelms him and triggers the bad memories, jean is alone in the dorms, with the lights not turned on and he’s sitting on the corner of his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest
• jeremy knew something was bothering him. he had returned to the dorms with pumpkin spiced lattes, and he dropped his keys by the kitchen counter, set the drinks next to it and walked into the room.
• he doesn’t turn on the lights, but he knows jean is there. he doesn’t say anything but shuts the door behind him and sits down next to jean on the floor
• jean was amazed at how jeremy’s presence was always an anchor that kept him steady when he felt like he was going to stop breathing.
• jeremy didn’t expect jean to speak because he knew jean was always like that when he was having his break downs so he thought his presence would reassure jean in a way that “i am here, and nothing will hurt you when i am here”
• “it still reminds me of the nest, halloween. i mean.”
  
• jeremy was surprised, but he doesn’t speak. he’s nervous, but he doesn’t want to say anything that would break whatever had surged jean to speak
• “when october comes around, i close my eyes and i see the court, and i see riko standing over me with those machines that god knows where they came from. i still remember the pain and the tears, and me begging riko to stop.”
  
• “of course, the begging only spurred riko on even more. so i learnt to shut up. kevin, though.” jean laughs emptily and shakes his head.
  
• “halloween was supposed to be a memory for me of my family because my sister loves halloween.”
  
• jeremy winced internally. jean had never talked about his family, but the thought that riko had ruined what was one of the memories jean had of his family made him mad
• “are the trojans always like this every year?” his voice was light and curious. 
  
• jeremy nods and turns to glance at jean. “though,” he clear his throat when he finds it hard to speak, but he still spoke at a quieter voice. “we don’t do this far to decorate our court.”
• the corners of jean’s mouth curved up a bit. “i thought so.”
• jeremy rests the back of his head on jean’s bed and meets his gaze. “is this okay?”
• jean looks at him with a confused look, and jeremy answers, “halloween.”
• “oh,” is all jean can say before he can answer, “well, it’d take some time, but i think so.”
  
• jeremy beams, and jean feels some sort of flutter in his stomach.

that year’s fall banquet encouraged exy players to dress up for halloween, and jean was just glad it wasn’t compulsory.

• jeremy went as a Bee, and at first nicky wanted to video kevin’s reaction down. he had even prepared his speech “and now, kevin day would return to his natural habitat, and see his idol jeremy knox– holy fucking shit, jeremy, wHY ARE YOU A BEE?”
• jean would watch in amusement as jeremy and nicky argue over which disney movie (beauty & the beast, and bee) was the best while kevin just stares at jeremy dumbstruck
• neil would take a photo of that face, and renee would ask, “isn’t jeremy the cutest?”
• and kevin would be like “Y-yes?”
• and then when they get so heated in their discussion, jean would walk up to jeremy and gently tug onto jeremy’s arm.
• jeremy would instantly turn to look at jean, and the annoyance/humor washes off immediately
• kevin doesn’t miss that look, and even though he’s a bit jealous that it’s jean who gets to have jeremy’s attention, he’s glad that jean is better enough to celebrate halloween
• when they’re settled at their individual tables, jean and kevin would exchange a glance, and even though they’re still not on well terms, they now will always have each other’s back 

jeansmoraeu:

for @wesawbears for the @jeanmoreaunet‘s fall jerejean exchange!! i hope you enjoy britt! and i hope it’s autumn-ish enough

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Jean is warm when he wakes up, his mind still full of fading dreams and the overwhelming feeling that he is comfortable and should not leave this bed. That feeling is becoming familiar to him, as is the press of the body against his back and the arms around his waist.  

Jean smiles with his eyes still shut, taking a deep breath and tucking himself back into Jeremy’s chest behind him.  

He’s about to drift off again, calm and content, but something sounds— different. There’s the slow breathing of Jeremy, the quiet noises from outside their room as the rest of the world starts it’s day, and —

Oh. The rain. 

The rain. They’re in Seattle, Jean remembers, It’s Thanksgiving and they’re in Seattle with Jeremy’s mother. He knows it rains here constantly, but it hadn’t sunk in until the soft pitter-patter could be heard on the roof.  

Keep reading

wesawbears:

This is for @rnoreau for the @jeanmoreaunet fall exchange! I hope you like it, it was fun to write! Follow the read more :)

–

Jean wasn’t completely sure what he’d done wrong in some previous life to deserve this, but apparently it was awful because going to the Trojans was trading one hell for another. They walked around as if life was sunshine and unicorns and Jean tagged along as the perpetual raincloud.

What brought this crisis on was the fact that the Trojans, instead of practicing as they should be on Halloween, are participating in some kind of charity event, where they take little kids from bad homes around the neighborhood trick or treating on campus. Jean knows nothing about this until Jeremy asks, “What are you going as for Halloween?”

Jean doesn’t look up from his book. “Halloween is for children.”

Jeremy’s smile doesn’t falter. “First, you’re wrong. Halloween’s awesome. And second, I meant for the charity event. Y’know, where we take kids around campus to get candy?”

At Jean’s blank look, he says, “Oh God. I didn’t tell you. Shit. I’m so sorry.”

He turns away  to start rifling through his desk and finds a flyer in the rubble eventually. He hands it to Jean, who reads it silently and says, “We have to go trick or treating. With children.”

“Well…yeah. Giving back to the community is a big part of what we do. We do stuff for the other holidays too.”

Jean’s thoroughly annoyed, but there’s something about Jeremy’s puppy-like enthusiasm that makes Jean sigh and ask, “What do I have to do?”

Jeremy’s face falls. “You’ve never been trick or treating, have you?”

Jean doesn’t appreciate the pity in his voice and snaps back, “No, but I’m not stupid. I understand the concept.” He hates the kicked puppy look on Jeremy’s face, but he doesn’t let himself dwell on it.

Jeremy goes on, “Well, first things first, you need a costume.”

Keep reading

wesawbears:

Ok, this is for everyone who said they wanted A/B/O Jerejean. It’s totally safe for work, but it’s under a cut because I know it gives a lot of people pause and also because it’s long af. I hope you enjoy, and if you want a fic expanding on something in this universe, let me know because I’ll happily write it!

Keep reading

Open When

knox-moreau:

Open when you need reassurance of the importance of your existence.

Jean,

You are important to me. You are important to Laila and Sara. You are important to everyone on the team. You are important to everyone you’ve met, in one way or another. Do you believe in fate, Jean? Because I do. And just think, of all the good things that wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t here. You may be telling yourself, what about all the bad things I might cause? I’m not going to tell you that couldn’t happen, because in reality it could. But I’m going to tell you, that it’s up to you whether or not you forgive yourself. Whether or not you forgive your mistakes and continue with your life. Did you know I wasn’t always this positive? Weird, huh? I’ll tell you a little secret, Jean. I’m on medication for depression. It’s not actually much of a secret because the whole team knows, but I was originally scared to tell you. I guess because I wanted to be positive for you, but I came to realize depression doesn’t mean you always have to be negative. You can be positive, Jean. Maybe not in this moment, but eventually. Eventually could be a second from now, a minute from now, months from now, a year from now. But you’ll be happy. And I hope I get to see the day you are.

Open when you feel you are a monster.

Jean,

On this certain topic, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I know that sounds bad, but if you feel you are a monster, I cannot invalidate your feelings. You can feel a lot of things. I wouldn’t invalidate you if you felt happy, right? But the point I’m going to make is through my own opinion. You don’t have to believe this, but I’d like for you to know that I do. You’re not a monster. Not to me. To me, you are a French boy who’s got scars and bruises from past battles, and you’re healing. You are healing, Jean. Isn’t that a wonderful thing, healing? I can tell you from my experience, it doesn’t always feel nice in the moment. But one day, you’ll have that moment, where you’ll sit there with an epiphany: you are healing. You are making progress. You are proud of yourself for getting through this. Just know in that moment, I am proud of you too.

Open when you’re on that ledge.

Mon amie,

Is that the French word for ‘my friend’? I hope so. (I totally didn’t use google translate to look it up.) For this one, I just wanted to tell you, whatever your thinking, stop for a moment. I know that’s hard, believe me, I’ve been there. But I want you to find a quiet place where you feel safe. Now, try to think of your favorite memory. Once you have that in your head, think of your favorite activity. Do that activity. Think of your favorite song. Listen to it. Take a day to take care of yourself. You deserve it, Jean. You deserve great things.

Open when your mind is back at the Nest.

Mon cher ami,

Before I say anything else, I’d just like to say this: I am so proud of you. I am so proud of how far you’ve come. I am so proud of how strong you’ve become. I am so proud of you for opening this letter even when you feel hopeless. Did anyone ever tell you what I used to do when my mind was stuck in a dark place? I would sit there and think or speak to myself and repeat the sentences: I am not there. I am here. I am safe. It sounds a little ridiculous, I know. But you want to know something else? It helped. Maybe you could give it a try if you’d like because it’s true. You aren’t there, Jean. And you never have to go back. You are here. You are safe.

Open when you want to destroy everything in sight.

Mon cher,

Instead of destroying things, think of things you wouldn’t want to destroy. There might not be many, but even one could work. Think about it. Think of me, even. Sometimes, when I get angry (Jeremy Knox? Angry? Shocking!), I squeeze a stress ball or hold ice in my palm. It helps a lot of the time for me, although what works varies from person to person. But I’ll tell you one thing: I think of you to help me feel better.

Open when you’re ready.

Mon ange,

I’ll keep this one simple. And I’ll be honest, I’m scared as hell right now to be writing this. But here’s the point: I am in love with you, Jean Moreau.

alone

jeansmoraeu:

Jean Moreau is alone. 

Alone is forbidden. Alone is a hand yanking his hair hard and the word please dying in his throat, because alone means he isn’t watching his partner’s back, alone means Riko will be angry.

 At the moment, Jean Moreau is alone in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store. at the moment, and from now on, as Jean must remind himself, Riko is gone. Riko is going to stay gone. Jean fears the feelings of alone will stay as well. 

The handle on the refrigerator is cold when Jean reaches out, and he allows himself a second to breathe, breathe, remember, nothing will happen anymore. 

Nothing happens. Nothing will happen, and yet the fear has made a home in his body after all the years. A playful shove received too rough, a group of people dressed all in black, and Jean has to close his eyes and dig his scarred fingers into his thighs. 

Right now, alone is already threatening this reaction over him. His hand tightens around cold metal once more. 

And then the phone in his pocket buzzes. Jean pulls it out hesitantly, fingers numb as he unlocks it. 

Jeremy. 

Laila wants peanut butter ice cream if they have it, Alvarez demands strawberry. I’ll eat whatever you pick, sunshine. 

If it were anyone else, Jean would assume sunshine is an ironic term, but not with Jeremy Knox. Jeremy Knox, possibly the only man that truly embodies sunshine, sees a light somewhere inside of Jean. 

And I’m proud of you.

Oh. 

Jean can’t remember the last time he was proud of himself, let alone someone else was proud of him. He’s heard fucking work harder, Moreau, better be perfect next time or you’ll regret it, you don’t deserve this court, but never I’m proud of you. 

It’s an odd feeling. 

His fingers tap out a response: Got it. Almost done.

It needs more. 

Thank you. 

Jean hits send, slides his phone back into his pocket, and pulls three cartons of ice cream from the shelf. 

Instead of remembering the consequences of alone, Jean repeats the words proud of you in his head until he’s back with the others. 

When he’s there, and Laila and Alvarez run to greet him, and Jeremy grins like he’s hung the moon, the phrase shifts in Jean’s head. I am proud of my progress, I am proud of my efforts. I am proud of myself.

And it’s the truth.

vintersins:

• imagine when jeremy and jean have a fight, they ignore each other instead of lashing out.
  
• so one time they had this really huge fight before they sleep, and jer and jean sleeps back to back instead of cuddling (i would like to think they share the same bed even if they fight, so fight me on this!!!!)
• but then jeremy being jeremy, can’t stand tensions and anger. so he turns around to face jean’s back, and he sees jean’s shoulders shaking silently. 
• so jeremy gently reaches out to jean, and places a hand on his shoulder as a silent gesture.
• jean stiffens at first, then realizes its jeremy, so he relaxes against jeremy’s touch, never mind that they had a huge fight.
• so jeremy gently coaxes jean to turn around with his hands, and jean lets him be pulled. 
• its dark in their room, but jeremy reaches up to jean’s face to wipe away the tears that he knows are there, and jean just lets him be. 
• when jer doesn’t move his hand away, jean just lets jer cradle his face. 
• and Jeremy Knox is so In Love with his french bean, he leans up and kisses jean softly.
• jeremy can feel jean’s shaky breaths when they break away, and he’s sorry that it’s his fault they fought this time round. he didn’t mean to say things that would have brought back bad memories. 
• jeremy presses a kiss to jean’s forehead as a silent apology, and jean releases a shuddering breath as he wraps his arms around jeremy.
• maybe they’ll speak about their fight in the morning. but for now, jean is content with being okay with jeremy again.